All Yours For the Low, Low Price Of...
So, once again, LuLaRoe is in the hotseat. This time, they are being sued by CMS Utah. CMS is the merchant processing power behind LLR's "Audrey" payment system in the Bless portion of the consultant back office. Before you ask me- I really don't know why there are so many names for this thing. I prefer "devil machine that held my money longer than it should have." If you're a consultant, raise your hand if you've had to wait- or are still waiting for an Audrey payment.
In January, LLR had this AMAZING (cough) idea to switch it all up. Because, you know... everything ran smoothly for approximately 24 seconds, so why not mix it all up again? In this version of LuLaReality, they thought it would be a good idea to now refer to "independent contractors" or "Fashion Consultants" as "Retailers". I'll start here. When you think of a "retailer", you think of a place like- Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus, Best Buy... Kmart... a store, right? What can stores do? DISCOUNT. Have a sale. ADVERTISE THE SALE... Nooope, not LLR "Retailers". (Please, every time you read me write "retailer" in quotes like that, please perform air quotes, and make a stupid face as you say it aloud. Got it? Good, let's proceed.) "Retailers" (did you do the quotes and face?) are still forbidden from advertising a "sale"... can't liquidate, can't clearance to make room for more new patterns.
Retailers (I didn't do this here... no quotes! Pay attention!) like Nordstrom can clear out inventory to make room for new. So... LuLaRoe wants to be compared to the big boys- but won't allow anyone to knock down the price on the "designer" brand... comparing itself to high fashion. Haute Couture. Help me Jesus, I'm choking on my own tongue as I laugh myself into a fit... Someone call LLR and explain to them that even the big boys clearance. I've got some bad-ass Chanel pumps I got on Neiman Marcus' end of season sale... and that's Chanel. Not bag lady gypsy woman. I mean... LuLawoah... roe. Lu.La.ROE. Got it. Ok.
Anyhoo, so this merchant agreement with Zion's bank (founded by none other than SuperMormon Brigham Young himself) became a mandatory thing. If you wanted to sell LLR, you HAVE TO sign this thing. Rep chatter outlined that the penalty for not signing was potentially getting charged more for clothing, or as much as being forced to "quit" or "lose your job". My own upline gave me until 3/31/17 as the date we would "be fired" if we did not sign ourselves up.
I immediately questioned the motives here. 1. If we own our own business (like sooooo many reps still bull headedly claim that they do) why wouldn't we be able to select what company we want to go with individually? 2. I have a contract with LLR, why was this, or the possibility of this, not outlined in the agreement? Then, they started sending emails. Guarantees. 1. Look at our AMAZING new program for "retailers"! 2. You just fill out this application. Don't forget your social security number for the no-credit check. 3.Just kidding, it's a credit check- but it's a soft inquiry. 4.Just double kidding. It's a hard inquiry. We don't care whose credit we fuck so long as we're getting a kickback on the processing. 5. We will send out an email letter to explain the inquiry to any potential creditors.
This is when they lost me. A letter? From some guy at a desk at a bank... this guy is going to explain to my future mortgage company why I have a merchant account open on my credit- and they think that will excuse the upward of (in some cases) 20+ point drop on the respective "retailer's" credit score. Did I wake up in la la land? Someone show me what standard (not sub-prime) mortgage writing bank is going to see that letter, and look past the potential liability and asset encumbrance on a property they are going to write a note for. Please. Show me. Asset encumbrance? Liability? "Retailers" (You better be making those quotes, folks.) "Retailers" would know- if they actually read their contract with Zion's bank, that they can be held liable for charges, fraud, chargebacks, bank fees, breach of contract, etc. What happens when a bank is owed money, ladies and gents? They place liens. Liens on what, MommyGyver? Assets. They take liens on assets. But alas! LuLaRoe has your back! They said so. They are underwriting every.single.merchant agreement. Even if you have bad credit- they will get you approved. Yet, the rumor mill turns, and I'm hearing that there are folks being declined for this amazing, and yet sure thing. But that's not the last of it. How do you mean, MommyGyver? LuLaRoe do something shady? Say it isn't so!!
Hostile pressure to sign this agreement aside, cultsultants (Ha! See what I did there?) wanted to give LLR the benefit of the doubt. Stalling on signing, many asked for updated terms showing the LLR underwriting in the terms. We were provided no such document. In fact, the last version of the agreement that I was provided locks us into a 3 year term- with a cancellation fee of $495. "How can I commit to that when I'm not confident LLR will be around 3 more years?" Said several consultants. 'Why should I be on the hook for a cancellation fee?" Let's not forget the breach of contract clause that stipulates use of ANY other processing device or software could subject the agreeing party to litigation. Breach of contract... But LLR has your back, Lucy Leggingseller.
But wait, there's still more! LLR then stipulates to the consultants that this new next best thing since holeless leggings has one requirement. (Besides signing your soul over to Brigham Young, of course!) You must own an Apple device. Memes and graphics began to float around- "How many Carly's do you need to sell to buy an Apple?"
Mentors and uplines began incentivizing the hostile takeover. Order xyz, win an Apple iPhone. Cut off your arm, trade it for an iPad! (Totally embellished that last part.)
Can I just tell you how non Apple my household is? EVERYTHING is android and PC, and it's all connected. Right down to my lights. All of it. (Now if I could just get the damn thing voice activated like in Demolition Man! Illuminate!) So, you'r Lucy Leggingseller, "Retailer" extraordinaire. You're all in and LuLaRoe has GOT YOUR BACK. You signed that agreement like the good little sheep they tell you to be. You did it on 2/18/2017 Guess what? LuLaRoe does not have your back. In an email blasted to consultants on Friday of last week, LLR advised that they are being sued by CMS, (once again, those are the people behind Audrey) for breach of contract. They claim in their lawsuit that not only did LLR breach their agreement, but that LLR incentivized the switch. LuLaroe vehemently denies this. Of course, screenshots speak volumes. Gosh... I hope someone has those.
To add insult to injury, the rumor coming from my favorite Mentor- you know- the one that wanted to find me? Is that there's a gag order, and that's why LuLaRoe couldn't tell anyone anything. Hmm... I guess she's exempt from the actions of the courts. Gosh... gag order. Maybe she thinks that's a BDSM term. But that's another blog...
So in this email LuLaRoe sent out, they state that an injunction from the court PROHIBITS them from underwriting any agreement made with the new system for any consultants after 2/17/17 (Essentially- you are on your own, folks) Sorry, Lucy Leggingseller- you are standing on the bank of shit's creek- just waiting for a lawsuit. Gosh I hope you have an LLC.
Amazing. The official direction from the mentors? Business as usual. Mark told us it's ok... so it must be! Even more entertaining is the mentors are starting to remove their posts incentivizing the switch. Now telling consultants they have the right to choose whatever processor they want to use. (Let's not forget that their contracts specify that they MUST use AUDREY only.) That's ok. We have them already- feel free to remove them all you want. From contests to switch to losing your ability to be a consultant... the proverbial shit has hit the fan with a healthy helping of uninformed speculation.
So, you know... I'm just sitting here, reading the emails that came in Friday. I can't tell you how many screenshots I saw with mentors giving legal advice; telling these people that it's business as usual, carry on, bless lives... And I can't help but feel like for the last several months, I have been watching a late night infomercial that promises the holy grail of crap you just don't need, know is too good to be true, but you buy it anyway. And if you act now, you may get this AMAZING lawsuit! Sign up for autoship, and get this fancy dancy breach of contract delivered direct to your door! LuLaRoe should come up with some gadget that slices and dices, minces and splices all for $19.99- because at this point, it fits. (Order in the next 5 minutes and we will double your order of useless shit you'll never wear out of the house for fear your ass may burst out into oncoming traffic!) All they need is Jack Lalane to do the pitch, and maybe someone will continue to buy the bull.
