Late Night Soap Box
The last few days have been wild! There has been so much media coverage of LuLaRoe that I can't keep track. MommyGyver was interviewed in a few reports- some released, several more to come. Yesterday's was Yahoo.
I want to clarify an error made in that article. Elise said that I wished to remain anonymous. That's not the case. I have never attempted to be anonymous in anything I've said or done with regard to this company and my investigation of its shortcomings and issues. What I DID say was- I wished for her to refer to me as MommyGyver because surely that would be more recognizable than my own name. That, and yeah- it sends people to this blog. Listen, I'm not investigating this because I quit my bowling league and need a time filler. This series is a time suck. Just when I think it's safe to go to the bathroom in peace... (Kids are asleep, hubby is off doing man crap... time to use the potty unabashedly and ceremoniously! Door open. Cue the orchestra!) ...LuLaRoe finds SOME way to send my notifications into overdrive. Listen, I was up to my elbows in shrimp that I was prepping for lunch when this Happiness Policy crap hit the media. The phone was ringing, facebook a'dinging, emails flying... it was madness. (I swear the only person capable of translating that policy is Dr. Seuss, by the way.) No shrimp was to be had by me on that day. (womp womp) I write this stuff so you can read it. I write it for YOU. You can't read it if you can't find me. So my message to that uppity, hyper aggressive, man bun sporting, rural baby factory consultant trying to Harlem-hustle leggings out of the back of her pre-owned Suburban- Shhhh. It wasn't a ploy to get readers. It was a blatant, shameless plug. I'm not here talking to myself, brat. So calm your tits and get back to breeding. Oh, and you've got a hole in your pantyhose...er...leggings. If you can believe that The Layered One and Mr. Stale love you, this shouldn't be hard for you to digest. Also, I still haven't monetized my blog, so to the comment about the "this is how she makes money." Nope, not there either. I am at this moment making zero dollars on this. I can afford to. #notbecauseoflularoe That's not to say that I won't monetize at some point. I use affiliate links- but I'll tell you when I do. Relax, Homely Harriet, I shall not dupe you into clicking a thing that gives me a single dime. Pinky swearsies. (Deep breaths... you're going to get through this.) The next point is- I'm not going away. Your uplines can make veiled (or blatant, for that matter) derogatory comments about Mommy Bloggers and how we're this or that... Which is hysterical to me that a mom would knock another mom that influences other moms in their buying- especially when it's YOUR customer base that's reading my work. If you think your ugliness goes unnoticed, have some patience- you'll get your mention here. Mommy Bloggers are starting to speak up, and loud- and it's only going to happen more frequently. So keep shitting on them because it makes our jobs easier. I foresee scores of blog posts titled- "Why I quit buying those leggings, and why you should too." Just keep knocking the one with the pen, girlfriends. The pen is mightier than the sword. While you're messing up your to and too, and your for you're on seemingly endless, glitter-laden, redundant, unicorn vomited cult diatribe- we're here telling your customers about it. Why not try to be what you so often pretend to be anyway- NICE. It's YOU we're working for, over here, Lucy Leggingseller. We don't secretly have DeAnne voodoo dolls made from the fallen soldiers of our coveted and overpriced unicorn leggings. We're here because we think you could be treated better. So quit shitting in our cereal, m'kay? Moms do the most buying for their families. Your market is women. We are women that speak to women. Grow a pair of steel ovaries, and suck it up. We're fighting so you don't have to take money off your kid's tables to pay for returns on a product that you have no control over. We don't think it's fair to target women like you who are trying to make a buck- just to have to give back $1.50. You already did what? Mortgage everything but your boobs to buy into this farce, right? Why should you have to bleed more money? It's bullshit. Then to have Captain Finesse himself call you stale for good measure...? Pfft. No, honey. Just no. This isn't 1952. You have a voice. If you can't speak for yourself- I WILL. There's no man who gets to put you down then tell you he loves you around me. That isn't the sign of a leader. It's the sign of a dick. We've got your back, girlie. Even if you don't realize it yet. (Call me when you're GOOB... I love to support women getting OUT of the cult.)
