DS: Stop Being THAT Person

I get so many messages from ex direct sellers and soon-to-be-outters. One of the complaints I hear the most about is the loss of friendships once you're out. I'd like to talk about that today. I'd also like to talk about friendships while you're IN the DS world too. We will first discuss when you were in the company. How often did you reach out to your friends and ask them to support your new endeavor? How often did you say- "Look, I know you don't wear/eat/use this stuff- but can you host a party for me? Even online? I really need the boost to get going here" and other requests like it? How many favors did you pull to get those sales that you so desperately needed? How many tubes of mascara, leggings, boxed food products, storage containers, pots and pans, cleaning supplies and the like did your friends buy that they didn't need- but wanted to support you because they love you? Did you thank them? Did you TRULY thank them for their help? And did you mean it? How many of your friends pulled away from you when you started DS because they had a bad experience with someone that was a little too pushy? Or maybe because YOU were a little too pushy? What is worth more to you- your friends or that mascara sale? It's surprising because a lot of you may answer that the sale is because you rely on this money- and if your friends really loved you, they wouldn't be offended. But maybe it wouldn't hurt to think that it may be your approach. Maybe your friend does wish to support you in some way, but really can't ask her friends to buy more products. Maybe she doesn't want to add people blindly to a group. You know, I always had a major problem with the blind group adding. I don't know how many mascara parties and legging groups I was added to without asking my permission- just because I had said I wear leggings and mascara in the past. Why is it so hard to just ask people first? Having come from companies that sell both those products, and having uplines and teammates tell me to use that method really irked me. Thankfully my uplines saw my irk and stopped pushing, lest the beast be poked. BUT I had also agreed to host parties for other people and canceled them right then- the very second the consultant created a group and said- "Add people to this. If they don't want to be in it, they can leave."

Listen, my time is valuable. Not that it's more valuable than others, but that ALL of our time is valuable. I don't want to be bothered with having to check notifications for a group I didn't ask to participate in, then top whatever I'm doing to leave it- then reach out to the person who added me to let them know I was uncool with being added. No, no hard feelings but please don't do that again. It's annoying. It causes friction, and almost everybody hates it. I promise.

Is it really that difficult to send a message to the friend you'd like to add to the group with a link and say- "I'd really appreciate if you joined." If they don't join, they aren't interested. It's not about you- or not being interested in your success. It's not a slap in your face until you make it a bigger deal than that. NEWSFLASH: It's a facebook group. It is not a big deal. If she doesn't want to join, you're still friends. But you might not be if you don't respect her time and her boundaries and just assume she will want to participate. Just ask. So once your friends are in your group, be grateful for them. Let them know how much it means to you truly and honestly. Tell them what it is you're trying to earn. And then have fun together. Don't push your friends to buy things they don't need if they don't like it! And if they do buy- be prepared to join THEIR group and be open to buying something when they have a party. Simple. But this leads into the next point: That lurker friend that is too busy to talk to you, doesn't know what's going on in your life, and reaches out- after not speaking to you for months or years. It happens. A LOT. This happened to me: "Hi! How have you been!!! Oh my gosh, I am so happy to see you have another baby! How old is he/she? (Yeahhhh... HE's almost a year old... and you see the navy blue and orange football shirt photo I just posted? He's got a buzz cut.. You can't see he's a boy?) So what? You have TWO toddlers running around now? How is Jacob? (Jacob died. He only lived for 2 months. This made international news- and somehow you missed it. Are you going to fuck yourself yet?) So I saw that you are back in my area! How wonderful!! (Yeah, I've been in your area for 4 years now...) I was wondering if you want to get together and grab some coffee? I'd love to catch up!!"

Wow. Just wow. Even without the blatantly moronic comments about my children, I'm irritated. This person NEVER says anything to me. Never. We don't talk. We met at an event several years ago, interacted when I was working for a company that could help her with her needs, and isn't even one to click 'like' on a photo now and again. I am about as valuable to her as a friend as a complete stranger. No effort made to connect with me. Just messages when she needs something. Then when I didn't respond, (and if you know me, if I don't respond, I either didn't see it- or I fucking hate you TO DEATH. Otherwise, you will get a response from me.) she sent a follow up the next day: "Hey beautiful! I saw that you read my message. Any reason you didn't respond??? Come on! I'll buy the coffee. I want to see your pretty brown eyes! Let's chat!" (MY EYES ARE GREEN, YOU IMBECILE!) Ahhh... so I go snoop her page. Lo and behold, she has just started with another DS company and is recruiting a downline. Dear lord. It's like- the most horrible rhetorical bullshit post after bullshit post you will ever.see.in.your.life. "I am SO excited to share my new opportunity with you all! This company is AMAZING! I just signed up and I'm waiting for my kit- but it will CHANGE.YOUR.LIFE." No.the fuck.it won't. Shut uppppp Sally Stupidface. It WILL NOT change my life. It doesn't cure cancer. Doesn't bring back dead kids. Doesn't pay the bills for me, and is about 40% more expensive than its competitor product that I can buy... at Wal-Mart. You are a lying liar face and I wish for you to get cramped fingers and never type again. Ever. So, let's be honest here. Maybe your product is super cool. Talk about why. Maybe you love it because xyz. Talk about that. I do really well reviewing things because I ACTUALLY use the products. I will tell you if I would buy them. A lot of the time, I DO buy them. But don't tell me about the amazing, epic, game changing, bullshit pipedream. Again. This is company number 6, by the way for Susie Simpleton. In the last year, mind you. And they were all epic. Shhhhh stahhhhp. Stop it. Stop. Shh. Don't be her. Just don't. Don't feign friendship or caring to sell your shit. Don't recruit me through false interest in my life. I can buy my own coffee. So now let's talk about your friends while you're IN DS. Raise your hand if you quit your DS company and your upline, aka bestie- super supportive OMG she's amazing, I just LOOOOOVE this lady... went POOF... the very second you resigned. You want to think that maybe she's just too busy to be super talky with you right now because you KNOW she wants to qualify for that cruise, and she just signed up 3 other people to her downline, so she MUST be swamped. Right? Nope. She's an asshole. She liked you when you offered value to her focus in life- and her focus is her team. The team makes her money. Make no mistake- if you aren't buying product or slangin' it, you are useless to her if she's vanished. Take it as a confirmation and affirmation of the reasons you walked out of the shit show to begin with. No joke, I got a screenshot from a DS person that collected this image from her upline's page. The upline was going OFF on her team for buying product from other reps and GOOBers. She ACTUALLY said how rude it was to buy this stuff from others because "I don't get a commission from you if you buy from someone else, and that's just shitty to do to your upline." What? Sure, it doesn't help the upline, and it would be crappy to have your bonus check chinked because your downline went to other sources for inventory. BUT YOU DON'T SAY IT. Because... you look like a selfish bitch and mommybloggers like me hear about it, and then our hundreds of thousands of readers read about it and even though they don't know your name, we are all shaking our heads at how much of a bitch you are. Oh... then someone else on your team reads it, laughs out loud and sends me yet another screenshot of you being a total rat faced miser to your team AGAIN. And I write about it... and we laugh at you... again. You must be so lonely. So many people talk about becoming pariahs on their teams for speaking up and out against a company and leaving. "You're hurting your sisters." No, you're not. You're telling the truth, and their spines are made entirely of gelatin and they have a hard time standing up and saying something about it too. They'd rather not talk to you in fear of death by upline ego coming at them for "talking to (eyeroll) HER." (sucks teeth, clicks tongue, rolls eyes to the back of head, and hair flips) "Whyyyyy would you talk to HER? She's ruining our company! All she does is bash it! It's hurting our business." 'Scusi, momento signora... Clarify for me a moment. Your company is selling shit in a pretty wrapper, you're profiting off of either denying the issues or lying about them, and Harriet Hiketaker is the bad guy for having morals. (slaps myself in the forehead) Harriet, why do you even want to BE friends with these doofuses? I'mma school you again. I kitnapped an essential oil kit from a company that "set the gold standard in quality of oils". They had a whole sales spiel on how amazing they are, that they are certified pure, that they are the only company that gets the special certification that they tout on everything they print. PS, they created this process themselves and it is not a recognized certification by any authority or any other company on the planet. But hey- it sounds nice.

So, while I was playing with my kit, I was making friends and asking questions. "Oh, you can use this on this, it can cure this, that, and this..." I'm going to stop right here for a second. I LOVE essential oils. But seriously, don't fucking tell me that an oil blend is going to remove my dog's tumors. Just stop talking, and no I will NOT tell a lady to feed this shit to her baby or take drops of it while pregnant. Why? Wellllll... there is no study to prove any of these claims. While there are historical uses and anecdotal stories- and YEAH tea tree oil clears up zits on my face, you can not LEGALLY make those claims. I mean, you can say whatever you want. Then you can be sued. As for babies, there is no recommended safe dosage for adults, let alone babies. Why risk it? Certain oils are really acidic and can wreak havoc on someone's stomach. Yes, it happened to me taking EO pills that claimed to suppress appetite. It totally did suppress my appetite- because I was burping up oils that were burning holes in my esophageal lining. So, no. I didn't want to eat. Ever.

I'm not doing that to my kids- or telling anyone else to do that to theirs. As for pregnancy, there is no testing to show fetal toxicity. They don't know if these products can pass through the placental lining into a fetus. If one drop of spearmint oil is the equivalent of 28 bags of tea, how much is too much for a baby? They don't know. Too much WATER can kill you. Better be safe than sorry. I have such a long history in bodycare and skincare, and am working writing a book of historical uses for various herbs and flowers- I am SO careful about what I say, and how I say it. I started asking these women questions about this information they were handing out as gospel because a nurse wrote it- and the company has an in house "doctor" on the payroll... I was the only one going- "Does this doctor have liability insurance? Is he a real doctor or is he like Dr. Dre of essential oils? Can I see his qualifications, and any further expertise or case studies he participated in to address if these safety claims are actually based on KNOWLEDGE or just fluff?" And that's when my "friends" who loved my skincare and bath products that I MADE- who valued my knowledge and respect for not making false claims... disappeared. One by one, they started going away because they didn't want to be associated with the woman that was stirring the pot. Never, not once did one of them think I was asking to protect them as well. My attorneys were telling me that if I sold those products to people making claims (even if the company itself told me to say it) that they did xyz, and something bad happened, I could be held liable legally. Why on earth was I going to do that? Do I use lavender oil on my son when he's fussy? Sure. Do I use tea tree oil in cleansers for my face? Yep. Do I use a little lemon oil to wipe down my counter tops? Absolutely. But am I going to tell you that it will work for you? Never. Safe to ingest? Questionable. Safe for use during pregnancy? Nope. ESPECIALLY not ingest. Poof. The caring upline... gone. The essential oil nerds I thought I had bonded with? Gone. Just like that. Your upline and team should want what's best for you. they should want you to succeed because it will help you and help them secondarily. They should not want you to blindly follow. NO ONE should tell you to follow blindly. And if they do, they were never your friend to begin with. If they are popping up out of the blue to share a "great opportunity" with you, block them. If they are disappearing because your path took you elsewhere, they were never yours to lose. Don't mourn them, forget them.

And if you're one of them, think about it. Is this really who you want to be? Are you really the person who only values people for what they do for you? Or do you genuinely like and care for these people? Maybe there is a better way you can show it? Just because they thought better of being in this program doesn't mean they aren't valuable people still. How many former LLR reps do I know that still buy product from their friends? I'm one of them! Just because I don't SELL DS doesn't mean I won't BUY DS from someone if I like it- and if I care for them. But don't use me. Don't use the people around you to make a buck. People genuinely want to help and support people they care about. Try being genuine to them. They might genuinely appreciate that, and the reward is so much more fulfilling than being hung up on every time you call.