Scammin' for Pearls
Cue the voice of Jacobim Mugatu: "Pearl Parties, they're so hot right now..." Pearl parties are all the rage online. Facebook feeds are plastered with live videos of a woman sitting at a table, shucking pearls from oysters. I never paid them much attention, and dismissed it as some silly fad. My first response to this was- "What happens to the oyster?" and "Doesn't this seem rather cruel?" After thinking more about it, I wondered how anyone could guarantee that an oyster could have a pearl inside of it to begin with. So I tuned in for some. My response can be predicted- "What the hell are you guys thinking?" First, the oyster is vacuum packed in some liquid in a sealed pouch. The oysters themselves are real oysters, most from what I'm told are recycled (yes, recycled) from pearl cultivators in China. The pearls are also real, but previously harvested freshwater pearls that are shoved inside one year old Akoya pearl oysters. Akoya are a type of SALTWATER cultured pearls. So basically, a freshwater pearl that is much, much less valuable than a saltwater pearl is shoved in a saltwater pearl mollusk- dipped in a chemical brine, packaged, and shipped off for your shucking pleasure. The chemicals used to pack these oysters are reportedly unsafe to handle- and also render the oyster inedible. (Not that you would want to) One source claims that the oysters are packed in alcohol. Another says ethanol. But because the product is highly unregulated, it is not unheard of to find that the solution could be either formalin or brominated solutions- both of which are extremely toxic. As if all the above wasn't gross enough for you, let's talk about the pearls themselves. In most cases, the pearls aren't worth even a few dollars- let alone the $50-$80 a participant can spend for the 'pleasure' of watching an animal torn apart (albeit already dead) to remove a pearl that not only wasn't produced IN THAT ANIMAL- but from a totally different species altogether- in different water. There are stories that the pearl you 'get' on live video, when it arrives to your home- is a different color altogether. Some people report being told that the pearl can change colors when it is wet to when it has dried. PEARLS DO NOT CHANGE COLORS LIKE THAT. Simply put, it's not the pearl you bought, won, whatever. Not only were you taken once on the purchase, now you're not even holding the damn thing you bought to begin with. Wheeeeee! What fun!
Wait for it. You can buy these amazing oysters wholesale. You. Yourself... straight from China. On ebay. This particular link gets you 10- for the low, low price of $16.99 and free shipping. Click HERE
Tell me again why this is fun? Honest opinion time here, I think this is super gross. I love pearls. I love to eat oysters. But the idea of having to tear open a smelly, dead, chemical laden carcass of a sea mollusk to get a pearl worth less than the packaging it arrived in isn't appealing to me. I really don't get the fad. I'm not here to judge anyone that does it, but hopefully knowing what you're getting may have you think twice before shelling (no pun intended) out big bucks to watch some rando on a facebook live shuck the shit out of your wallet. You're welcome. :)