In The Pocket

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, there was uproar in the group, LuLaRoe Defective, about reports of racism between independent sales reps in Agnes and Dora. I was away for the holiday and spending time with my family when it all went down. When I returned to my groups and learned of what was going on, it was the middle of the night this past Monday. Apparently, my reputation for calling out fraud within LuLaRoe has translated to some as "I discuss all things questionable as it pertains to MLMs." This is false. Historically, and early in the life of this blog, I had attempted to learn how to gently approach the issue of race for an article I wanted to write that discussed a few LuLaRoe sellers engaging in behavior that was in negative stereotype of another race. Humbly, I admitted that I did not know how to approach it as far as what terms were politically correct and, honestly, if I should cover it at all. The consensus was that I was full of white privilege and I should not have even tried to talk about the issue. I was subject to much criticism from being called a racist for openly stating that where I understand the issue of racism is an absolutely inexcusable act, I don't have a lot of experience with it. I have friends of all colors, and I don't think about their race when I become their friend. I don't hold minority quotas in my friendships. Somehow, that was twisted into "all lives matter" and that somehow meant that I had shat on the Black Lives Matter movement. Untrue.

What I learned from that experience is that maybe it isn't my place to offer commentary on racial issues. Was I offended at the video in question? Absolutely. But I was offended on behalf of those being portrayed, and that was unacceptable somehow. I'm still unsure. But noted- don't try to tackle things that are outside your scope of well-versed understanding. If you're white, and you comment on race issues, you're an asshole and a racist. Noted. Needless to say, I was surprised that my absence from the scene for (gasp) spending time with family during Thanksgiving had come into question. How dare I step away from my computer to enjoy my husband and child! I must write all things at all times for anyone who demands it be so! I have sold my soul for free and must scribe all happenings everywhere in spite of absence or comfort.

But I was slightly amused at the speculation that I was somehow being paid off to not discuss issues of race after being absent and in light of my previous experience trying to do that very thing. With all the expenses that come with speaking up, this is hysterical to me. So as I played catch up, I reached out to one of the women that I heard was claiming to be a victim of some of the racism. She told me her story, and I could hear her frustration and upset. I don't doubt that something happened. What she provided me was her testimony and a voicemail apology sent to her by the alleged offender. It is my OPINION that the apologizing party could very well be apologizing for making racist comments. However, my job is to stay circumspect and I can not accuse someone I have not spoken to of saying something when I have only her voice- and that voice is not admitting to the actual accusations. Point blank, I'll get sued. I'm not going to jump at that. I very much like the woman I had spoken to- I've spoken to her prior, and she was kind to me. I have no reason to doubt what she said, but I can't go full attack mode because I like her and believe her. I need more- especially because of my level of discomfort with writing about the topic. AND the level of attention on me due to the litigation with LuLaRoe. I definitely didn't want to add a slander or defamation suit to my resume. I have not been sued for anything other than access to my sources, and I would like to keep it that way. Considering not a one of the critics that are damning me for not attacking Agnes and Dora are paying my legal bills, I don't think they have room to speak whatsoever about what I should feel ok writing. But at this point I was open to considering something. I expressed to the woman that I had a call scheduled with the owner of Agnes and Dora. She's always been receptive to me and I think it's primarily because I've always approached her (as well as the other companies) respectfully and allowed time for a response if requested. She and I respectfully disagree on MLM structure- as I can't and won't endorse an inventory loading model, but that doesn't stop us from having professional discussion. The situation with LuLaRoe and this blog would be much different had the powers that be been receptive to ANY feedback- let alone mine. The woman said she also had a call scheduled with ownership and I asked her if there was anything she felt I needed to say- what is the end result here? The resolution that would make all parties happy... She responded that she wanted the company "to stop gaslighting" the topic of race. Essentially, she wanted accountability and a resolution. She was going to deliver that message herself, so it wouldn't be a surprise that I said the very same. I never indicated to anyone after the call what was said, other than I wasn't going to "call anyone out" and I needed more information before writing about it. Again, diplomacy isn't dead in my mind. I felt that I, personally had no call to attack anyone when they seemed willing to talk to me and they were actively trying to hit a resolution. I had elected to give it a little time, collect more information, and see where it was at. I had just been dropped into this a day earlier, I didn't think it unreasonable to take time to collect myself and my thoughts before deciding to move further. That was unacceptable to the many angry people who were waiting for the "irrelevant" and "washed up" "wanna-be" journalist to participate in the gang-bang assault on the company. I'm irrelevant, yet I'm valuable if I do exactly as I'm told, when I'm told to do it to fit whatever agenda a seething mob has decided. But there was more to this. This mob didn't voice their issues in the one group, they went and papered the business page with allegations of racism, screamed their outrage, and demanded the issues be addressed. I think they made their point already? Why is my chiming in almost a week later relevant to the issue? Maybe I should have prepared a well-crafted public statement about what took place in this meeting before speculation went wild. The meeting that I had requested had somehow morphed into a meeting to discuss WOC and racial diversification. And they are sitting there screaming about how I have no place in a racial diversification meeting. Well no shit, I don't! And that isn't what it was. It was a meeting with various members of management to address MY questions about what was going on. The meeting was recorded and I'm absolutely certain it was done for their protection- from me. Because it was recorded, I am confident in relaying that I delivered the accusing party's request as promised, and I added in that I felt that just as the topic isn't best served being written about by me, I felt that if they wanted to really address it all fairly, there really needed to be the involvement of someone that has EEO training and knowledge in sensitivity training. That there needs to be (in my opinion, for what it's worth) a swift resolution to the issues, and a zero tolerance policy going forward. The company accepted my suggestions, asked that I give them a little time before publishing any statement about it as they wanted to speak with some of the parties involved and formulate a best course of action that they could then provide me- and then, perhaps, I could write a whole story. Because really, aside from being sued for defamation, any article I could write would have been one person's story and very little evidence. Any indication of my own opinion without that evidence would show bias, and I simply hadn't gone to begin collecting it yet- because I wasn't sure I was comfortable. Now I am being called a racist (yet again) for not feeling comfortable enough to discuss this topic confidently. The fact of the matter on this topic is either way, I'm damned, and I chose to be damned without inserting my foot in my mouth. This is my life, and I choose to keep within my comfort zone. I'm often credited for forming or owning the LuLaRoe Defective group, and that simply is untrue. I was a moderator in the group for a few months. The owner is Julie Dean, and the main admin is Heather Blithely. Just two days ago, I had advised Heather that I was hearing chatter about companies potentially seeking action against the owners and admins of the group for interference. While I was a mod, one of the admins was sent a demand for preservation of evidence from LuLaRoe... that's right, they are technically being asked to not delete anything that goes in the group, any messages pertaining to, etc. Shortly after, I was sent a demand for preservation as well. It was then that I advised LuLaRoe's counsel that I do not own or admin that group. Nor have I ever owned or done anything more than moderate it. With my knowledge of these companies eyeing that group and others, the last thing I was going to participate in was a joined effort to target a company. Instead, the group turned to targeting me. And that's fantastic. Here's what it accomplishes: -It brings more people to read this blog. -It shows the lawyers that I've been fighting with that there's no love lost between us. -It gives me the opportunity to say that I do not jump at every controversy and every opportunity to trash everyone. And the more they talk about how much of a piece of shit I am for opting out of participating in the targeting, the more my point is made: I will not participate in the slander or defamation of anyone. But if you go look for me in that group, you can see very clearly just how rife it is with all of the above aimed at me. So while I'm being called a shit journalist for choosing my stories carefully and opting to live to fight another day, you can go back to Defective and do the very thing that makes absolutely no one take you seriously. There is power in numbers, yes. But you simply must take a moment to think before acting. I have elected to sit this one out- primarily because now, in spite of my discomfort, I am being bullied and manipulated to address it. So here is my addressing it: I write what I want when I want. I owe no explanation to anyone, ever. My attorneys advised me not to touch it, and therefore, I won't. How dare anyone demand I do anything on this topic knowing how quickly this particular group will accost you for saying anything at all. In that same post, a white woman complimented a black woman on her beautiful hair. She was shut down by another white woman for pandering to a woman of color. You can't even be complementary? What makes anyone think my article on a topic THIS volatile would be received well? I should willingly throw myself out to be completely disassembled for trying to help? No. If you want a white woman to comment on a racial issue, it would benefit all parties involved if time was taken to allow that woman to ascertain her level of comfort- and if those that wanted her to cover it actually brought ALL the evidence to her and asked for it to be addressed. It would have been there that I would have also asked those very same women HOW to say it that wouldn't get me dragged through the mud. This isn't about protecting Agnes and Dora. It's about protecting myself. Protecting myself from unnecessary and unprovoked hate and drama, protecting myself from unneeded litigation, and protecting my right to decide what I write about on my own blog. This isn't for anyone but me to decide. It doesn't put me on anyone's payroll either. I'm not on Agnes and Dora's and even more importantly- I'm not on YOURS. I will not be bullied into bullying another company or acting in a manner outside of my comfort zone. It isn't white privilege, it's writer's privilege. I am the writer and I get to decide what I sign my name to because the risk when all is said and done- is all mine and none belongs to my critics. If I'm not going to allow a billion dollar company to push my voice into silence, I'm not going to allow a hateful group of people to decide my fate in my own media. Say whatever you want, and spin it however you need to to get your drama fix. It's unfortunate that any and all work that has been done to help a group of women that were taken advantage of by a company can be overshadowed by electing to sit one out after seeing how ugly the participants can get. I am not a social justice warrior- just as a podiatrist is not a brain surgeon. I have my areas, and I prefer to stick to those. When Agnes and Dora screws you out of billions of dollars, I'll write about it. When Piphany's owner goes out and buys a 2 million dollar car or instructs her enrollees to fellate their spouses more often while speaking in a business capacity, I'm on it. I simply do not elect to participate in a fight that I'm not equipped to win. My writing on LuLaRoe is unique to me because I witnessed the dealings myself. I was able to speak from first hand knowledge and alarm. My ability to churn out articles about it rapidly is because of my level of knowledge about the company. The rest of these require me to work backwards, and that takes time. Demanding any participation is bad enough. Demanding it immediately is ridiculous. If you want to see something written or written differently- then you are free to start your own blog and sign your own name to it. You can assume your own risks and stop playing games of chance with my life.