Beautiful

I don't often get to just scroll my own Facebook feed anymore. I often miss birthdays and big events in friend's lives. It's mostly because I'm off on another page collecting info, talking to others about a topic, etc. I miss a lot. Yesterday late in the evening, I had a few minutes to decompress and just scroll. One of my friends had a post that showed this adorable makeup free photo of herself. She explained in the post that she often struggles with some things about her appearance and I thought- "Me too." She asked the women on her page to post a picture of themselves. Before they did that though, they must compliment the woman above her in the thread. There were so many comments. I started to think about how many of us must struggle with this topic. My friend shared her insecurities, but when *I* look at her, I see this confident and artistic woman who is strong, loves her children fiercely, and is naturally beautiful. She has an impish playfulness that radiates in her eyes and smile- surely she must see it too? But do we stop our days running around, chasing children, earning a living, making dinner, changing the world (even if its only our children's world we impact so greatly) to remind ourselves of who WE are? Isn't that the trap of the mother? Once we have children, our focus shifts to building those little bodies into strong humans. The love we once showed ourselves is now split between so many directions. We have endless love to give as mothers, but we stop at self-love because we simply forget that we need it too. So I shared the idea in the facebook group dedicated to my blog readers. It's generally a fantastic group where there are men and women that post things that they find interesting. Often, they discuss things like MLM or topics pertaining to it. But because my blog has other topics, you'll often find them giving each other suggestions on products, tips on makeup, and the like. It's a great group, and save for the occasional troublemaker, the vibe is really very positive toward one another as a rule. I like that, and that is where most of my Facebook time is spent. I thought it might be a good idea to share this in the group, just to give all of these women the opportunity to see each other, to be a little vulnerable, and build one another up. It was posted last night and it's still going strong. What happened was nothing short of amazing. Women that knew one another through the page only, or complete strangers, or friends in real life... it didn't matter. They stopped what they were doing to look at the other women on the thread and let each one know what they found beautiful about them. When we post online, do we stop to think about who we're affecting? Do we stop to think about how it could hurt or lift another? Do we stop to wonder what they are going through right in that moment that could be exacerbated by the things we say? This was a reminder of that for me. Many women commented on many photos even though they were only required to comment on the one above them. They felt overwhelmed with positivity, and several commented that it couldn't have come at a better time for them. They were feeling low, sad, or just bad in general.

It's hard to expose yourself to criticism. I do it every single day of my life. Every word I write, everything about my life is subject to scrutiny. I hear a lot of "I don't know who she thinks she is", and I chuckle. I don't think I'm anybody. I'm just me sharing me. If you don't like me because of that, I'm very sorry. I have my flaws, certainly. I make mistakes, and I try to do my very best for those around me. But I miss the mark too sometimes. My biggest challenge with criticism is usually because I simply can't write or share in a way that everyone will understand or "get" me. I had to assign my true face and name to this website when I began to write because I didn't want anyone to think I was hiding behind a pseudonym. I wanted to take the risks so that what I was saying would be weighed more heavily. "She wouldn't write that about a company if she didn't think it was true" is a lot stronger of a statement when you know who the SHE is behind the words. But that doesn't come without its cost. Criticisms constantly about who I am, assumptions, and just so much hate... it's really absurd if you think about it. But these are my struggles. If a reader sees a photo of me and comments that she loves my eyebrows, there's another comment about how people worship me and how I have a cult following for just my eyebrows. (Yes, that really happened) It's just silly. It's silly and it's overly critical and cruel. But I get past it. Many worry more about my self esteem than I do. Many think it all bothers me more than it does. Sometimes, things do get to me. But mostly I let them roll right off my back like water from a duck's feathers. I have to now, otherwise I'd be so lost and self-consumed it would kill me. But let's take it back down to the norm, and not the extreme. We deal with things like mothers-in-law (thankfully mine is very loving and supportive) and bosses. Critical people on the internet isn't just a thing for those that are in the public eye. Once a woman on my personal page shamed me about a house I was renting and "settled" on because the one I really wanted was rented elsewhere. Everyone is a critic of everyone. We all live it, and it's a tough world to be in sometimes. What we need to be reminded of is that we are human. We are able to be hurt, and things do hurt. Seeing my group uplifting one another was wonderful. So many women, from so many backgrounds, just being kind and pointing out the beauty they see in one another simply because they too had exposed themselves to what the next person might say about them. As women, we get lost in our lives. As mothers, we get lost in everyone else's. Take a moment to remind yourself that you are beautiful. There are good things about you even if it feels like others aren't seeing it. Empower yourself to give yourself a compliment. Be receptive if someone else compliments you. Return the favor. This post did a lot for a lot of women, but what it did for me was remind me that we're all the same, in that we have our struggles... but that it's only our struggles that are different. We all feel. We all hurt. We all can feel good.

We can help each other get there.