People Need to STFU at Parents
Being a mom in 2018... Jesssus. Parenting should come with a warning label:
"Warning: you and your child(ren) will be judged by everyone on the fucking planet for every move you make. Why? Because... assholes." Backstory really quick- I am a preemie & NICU mom of a 30 weeker- so YES, I'm "protective" if that's what you want to call making my child my number one priority. Do I hover too much? Meh, sometimes. Do I have good reason to? Hell yes I do.
My first glimpse into what has thus far been almost three years of judgey assholeness was while my son was in the NICU. Lesson number one: Think before you speak. Do not ask stupid questions. This isn't elementary and there actually are stupid questions. "What's wrong with him/her?" is not an appropriate question to ask any parent, EVER. This is social skills 101, guys. Remember your parents gently pulling you aside as a small child and explaining it's rude to comment or ask questions about someone else? No? Well, maybe we found the root of the problem. Following my son's hospital release, I got the full blown judgey assholeness regarding my decisions with MY child. Fact: The majority of a baby's antibodies are passed from the mother in the 3rd trimester. Fact: People are freaking disgusting sometimes. I isolated my child from the public a lot when he was a newborn and also cold, flu, RSV season. (I still do this time of year, honestly). For that, I got called a hypochondriac. Germaphobe. Yep, sure am! Why? Because my child weighed 2.5lbs. He got pneumonia and was septic in the hospital at 2.5lbs and was unable to breathe unassisted for 68 days. To drive this point home, a package of tortillas weigh 2.5lbs. Let's just take a moment to ponder that. Can your tortillas die? No? Fuck right off then. Ok... Now, imagine that's YOUR child in an isolette fighting for their life as you stand by helplessly watching. Would you also isolate your child to prevent them getting sick? I sure hope so. Would you not allow anyone anywhere near your child if they had been sick? Would you have hand sanitizer stations in your house? Well, I did and I was called paranoid, crazy, etc. Do I need to explain this to everyone? Nope. Sure don't. The thing about me is, I do not give one single shit about what people say about my parenting. But, other parents may actually take to heart your unsolicited parenting advice. You don't know that child's full story. So, unless you're their parent or their doctor, just stop. If my husband asks me why I do xyz, I explain it to him and if he disagrees we talk it out. My husband is the ONLY person who doesn't have initials after his name who is allowed to freely question or express concerns to me about my son because he is his son, too. This brings us to lesson two: No one asked you. Unless someone says, "What do you think?" just don't. If they want your opinion, they will ask for it. But what if they don't? Well, then STFU. Someone I met on my preemie journey has twins that were born prematurely. One twin in particular has been in and out of the hospital for the last couple of years. She made a post pleading for people to understand WHY she is so "paranoid" one of the hospital trips as her baby is hooked up to probably a dozen different machines, IVs, oxygen, etc. Get ready for this... Someone actually tried to use this scenario to SELL her essential oils. "But like seriously, you should try diffusing this magic potion that will cure your son's chronic lung disease"... Right. Because his team of doctors just hadn't thought of that. Go ahead and roll your eyes, I'll wait... She.didn't.ask.you. And also- Stop trying to sell us shit. Another example, one of my friends has an 18 month old boy who is a BIG kid. He may look 4 years old but does this give a waitress the authority to ASK why she's cutting up his dinner for him? Nope. It doesn't give anyone the right to question her parenting. Why doesn't your child talk more? Why don't you just expose them to every germ, ever to build their immune system? Why does your child still use a bottle? Why, why, why? It is none of your business, THAT is why. Finally, lesson three: Parenting is HARD. My God is it hard sometimes! Parents are constantly learning and trying to do everything right. Please don't make a parent feel like a failure for trying. You may not understand why they are doing what they're doing but it's none of your damn business. (I think I said that a few times, right?)
Unless someone is neglecting or abusing their children in some way, it's not your place to question why, what, when things happen with their child(ren). So, STFU and stop judging parents. Wouldn't the world be a much better place if we parents JUST supported each other?
Instead of judging parents in a shitty situation, try asking if there's anything you can do to help. Instead of judging a mom for her child using a bottle at whatever freaking age, try praising her for how sweet her child is. Find the good in each other. Be kind. Parenting is hard, so please if you have negative things to say to someone about their parenting, just don't say anything at all. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kaelee is mom of one bouncing boy, a couple furbaby dogs, and loving wife. She works in the medical field and takes no shit. Catch her product reviews and outspoken opinions on parenting here!