Bill Gates, You Four-Eyed Fuck

Reader warning: Super Long Piece Our world is seemingly becoming more and more cyber-based. We all log in to our social media, post pictures of our food, our kids, our new cars, our vacations- all for our friends and family to see. Facebook and Instagram have allowed us to share instantaneously with those inside of our circles. If you asked me to call my aunt Faye, I would tell you I can Facebook her- but I don't actually call her on the phone. It seems that is becoming the norm for many of us. When my Facebook profile was deactivated, it caused many of my friends in real life to panic and think I had blocked them for some reason. My sister thought I was mad at her, my mother in law thought I had blocked her as well. It was unnecessarily upsetting for those that weren't aware of what was going on simply because I have elected to keep them as far away from my own cyber-presence outside of my small Facebook circle. Many of my family members don't understand what I do here, one often saying- "Why don't you write something that matters?" What she means is- "Why don't you write something that matters to ME?" Some find value in my blog, others live to criticize. Frankly, that's the way the world works- and though I wished everyone "got" me, I've lived on this planet long enough to know that reality is- most people won't. The internet is rife with people that are walking, talking open sores- waiting to be cut deeply by words anyone writes, if they are meant to be offensive or not. Honestly, as direct as I am, I often don't think about being offensive when I speak because I make the stupid assumption that people know what I mean. I'm the friend that will tell you "that dress makes your ass look fat" and "your makeup looks cakey". For fuck's sake, I'm not shaming my friend, I'm just being honest with her- and my true friends get that. Growing older, it's harder to make friends, isn't it? So many people are out for themselves, and many people that try to befriend me (especially online) do so because they are just plain nosy or looking for drama. They are looking to be offended by me, find something I said personally to criticize and tear apart... because God forbid someone is offended. I have yet to see anyone's head explode or an outbreak of deadly measles caused by someone's butthurt over internet words. I'll wait... let me know when it happens. Facebook is 2018's version of the penpal we all had in 4-6th grades. You interact with a persona you *think* is representing themselves to you truthfully, because you innocently assume everyone is who they say they are. You grow emotionally attached to some of them, and you consider them your real friends. We all do it. Some of those "friendships" do grow into real life friendships. My son's godmother contacted me via Facebook many years ago when I was dating her ex-husband. She figured I'd be around her children, and she reached out to get to know the woman that she thought may be important in her children's lives. Thinking back on it, it was a pretty admirable step she took. I could have been a total asshole to her. Instead, I saw her effort as something exceptional, and I responded. My response led to several conversations, and an in-person meeting. We found out we really liked each other, and we were oddly similar- down to our favorite beers and our birthdays. The resemblance in personality and mannerisms were SO uncanny, as we got to know each other, we nicknamed the other. She was Version 1.0, and I was lovingly dubbed 2.0- the original being a classic, but the remake was younger and more visually appealing. (We joked about that often, as I'm 10 years younger almost to the day) She and I grew so close from speaking on the internet that eventually, my relationship with her ex was putting me in a terribly awkward position and he and I ended. Instead, I grew nearly inseparable from 1.0- and she has become one of my very best friends- and a loving and adoring Godmother to two of my children. Another bestie was found on Facebook as well. We both had preemies and medical struggles. She reached out to me when my (now deceased) first son was fighting to live. She was a voice of calm reasoning and love to me- and when we met in person finally, it was on a trip we took together. She's absolutely someone I love, and I owe the internet a debt for putting her in my life. These women certainly don't replace my life-long friends. I've been really blessed to be a person that generally keeps the friends she makes. True and real friends are hard to shake. You fight, you disagree, but you talk it out and you grow together over time. Those girls and I don't talk every day, but it's me they call when shit hits the fan, it's them I call when I need someone who really knows my quirks to tell me point blank how it is. All of these examples are real friends. They are rare. The internet has afforded us all this disposability factor in our "friendships" that makes letting people in harder. If you don't comment or like posts on someone's social media pages, you're deemed a bad friend and they delete you. Just like that, you're erased from their world. It's upsetting in some instances because you are left feeling that you, the effort you put into developing this relationship was in short- worthless to the other party. This just happened to me, and when I reached out to her to ask why, she retorted that she felt our relationship was one sided because she was the only one putting effort forward. A simple "like" on her page would have sufficed to show I cared too. The humor of that comment hit me hard. Collectively, I have been off of social media in one way, shape or form- for several months this past year. My account was disabled several times, and then I was locked off of commenting, posting, or messaging for over a month while my profile was "investigated". (Yet Facebook claims they have absolutely no problems with their algorythm and reporting system. Zuckerburg, we need to talk.) Had SHE been actually looking at MY page, she'd have seen my husband post that I was locked off Facebook, and no, I wasn't ignoring anyone, I was simply unable to do anything more than look at my page. (This of course was before and after my page was deactivated completely) So I shrugged and let it go at neither one of us was seeing the other's page, and it was clearly a misunderstanding. BUT if I was disposable to her without so much as a text or call (or an attempted Facebook message, where she'd see I was GONE) I figured ok, this isn't worth fighting for. But no hard feelings. Nice lady, wish her all the happiness in the world, but I really need to mean more to my friends, cyber or otherwise. I'm not alone in these feelings. Many of my friends reach out and talk to me about the same thing. "Can you BELIEVE she deleted me???" Well, yes I can and this is partially why I grow more and more likely to deny friend requests. If you aren't REALLY my friend, you don't need to be privy to photos of my children and my personal life. But yet, the hope lingers that not everyone is this way, and we try and try again anyway. Being in any level of spotlight lays down some hard realities on me. After the above, there's the personal conversations that get twisted to fit whomever's agenda. It happens to us all- Susie tells Sarah that she's mad at you because you said x, y, z, and it's taken completely out of context to the point that both of them are angry with you for something completely innocuous. Certainly I'm not the only person on the internet that has ever been misunderstood. It sucks when it happens to anyone, yet everyone does it. Facebook groups are a wonderful place to get and share information on topics of interest: cloth diaper communities, breastfeeding support, even local yard sale groups exist to buy and sell and trade. Groups do a wonder for information sharing, but they also are a wonder for the sharing of misinformation. I own several yard sale groups, and it's a pretty often occurrence for someone who had a bad experience to go in there and try to post horrible and libelous information about someone else. I had a huge uproar in one group because a house painter had done a job for someone and the customer's check bounced. The painter was out thousands of dollars and collected against the customer. Well, when the painter posted a local ad in the group, the customer who had been collected against began to speak poorly about the painter to the point of obsession. He was literally following this painter through ALL the yard sale groups and commenting on anything and everything the man posted, even if it was a simple comment that he was interested in buying someone else's goods. It's ridiculous. And when the painter would block him, the man would make a new profile and go at him again until that one was blocked or disabled. This went on and on for months before my admins stopped allowing any new profiles into the groups, but I understand that it is still happening in other groups. Recently, one of the banks I use made some errors with a check I deposited in. I often either deposit checks from consulting work, or transfer money into this account for day to day expenses such as paying for bills and groceries. The account is set up for all of my direct debit payments. I opened the account at this particular bank because it's inside one of the grocery stores I often shop at and keeps extended hours. It's easier for me to do my day to day banking at a place I may be at from day to day. The check that was sent in wasn't unusual for that account. I have a long relationship with the bank and they have always cleared my deposits immediately. In this instance, they cleared a portion and for some reason, held the other portion. It was fine as is. But there's a new bank manager who doesn't know me or my relationship with the bank. Apparently when he returned in the next day, without notice to me or warning, he recalled the cleared funds- essentially setting my account to be overdrafted. I called customer service, and because this is a relatively unique bank, they don't override the branch manager's decisions, even if they are incorrect. So, I posted a complaint on their social media page. That complaint got the attention of their customer service team, I got a phone call, and all my funds were released immediately. I thought it was resolved and I was happy. I deleted my comment. The next day, I went to swipe my card for groceries, knowing how much I should have available- only for that card to be declined. I looked in my account and saw that not only had the bank recalled the entire amount of the check they had just cleared- they also posted several charges that should have been declined in the event of a lack of funds. I almost fainted when I saw my account was now showing negative for almost $2,000- when there should have been closer to $5,000 in the positive in this particular account. I was LIVID and immediately went back to their social media page and reposted my complaint. After I got home, I filed a BBB complaint and a complaint with the Federal Reserve. (The clearing and withdrawing of funds and the forced overdraft despite my account being set up to NOT allow overdrafts would incur fees- fees that were not assessed legally) Once the Fed and BBB were involved, the bank cleared everything, reversed fees and fixed my account. I have since closed my account with them and will no longer do business with a bank like that. Why is this relevant to this article? Because the entitlement of the internet found it important to search out my name and publish my post on the bank's page in a group for discussion and speculation. I thought to myself- "I am simply not famous enough to have to worry about not complaining on my bank's Facebook page without a group of really bored women posting it and tearing it to shreds"- speculating all manner of things from my apparently impoverished life to my secret millions. I was upset for a few minutes, but then I laughed. They really have nothing better to do than worry about where I bank? How sad. I vented to my husband, and he said something that resonated to me in such a powerful way: Him- "Who is your least favorite celebrity?" Me- "Kim Kardashian, why?" Him- "Why don't you like her?" Me- "I don't know. I guess because I think she and her sisters act like total idiots and are filthy rich because of it? I think she's gorgeous, but I can't wrap my head around the reason she's famous. Maybe I'm a little jealous? I work hard and take a lot of flak for little to nothing but she gets on TV and complains about her boobs sweating and cashes a check." Him- "But she's still famous despite how you feel about her. Who cares why these people talk about you, Christina? At the end of the day, they are still talking about you. Let them Kim Kardashian you all the way to the bank. Does some ugly, mean, internet troll's opinion of you ACTUALLY matter to you?" Me- "No, I guess not. I should probably apologize to Kim for saying nasty things about her. Not that she'd care. (Laugh out loud) Now I feel bad for talking badly about her. I guess I don't know what she goes through, but I have an idea now. Still- famous for a sex tape..." Him- "Should we release a sex tape?" Me- "I never wanted to be famous. I like doing my own shopping." And he's right. In my case, who gives a shit if these people like me, don't like me, talk about me, lie, twist things, whatever. Let them twist! But for someone else who maybe isn't in my situation, for a teen or a child- or even an adult that doesn't have thick skin- this is devastating behavior. Kids commit suicide because of this type of behavior on the internet. One of my personal friends removed herself completely because she simply couldn't handle all of the animosity online during election time. A member of my family deleted me because I spoke poorly about Hillary Clinton on my personal page. The irony of that was the post prior was speaking poorly about Trump. We only see what we want to see... Instead of talking it out, she got all up in arms over my opinion of someone she doesn't know, probably will never know- and that was enough to end our online relationship. Um, ok? So I called her. She was nothing short of hysterical and shrill at me about Ms. Clinton and there was no explaining that I didn't like either party for president. We haven't spoken since. When you break it down like that, it all seems kind of egocentric and psychotic. When did having your own opinion on your own personal page open you up to such ridiculousness? Especially when you haven't pushed it on anyone? I think my comment was snark based ridiculousness- something like- "Hey Hillary, your reptile is showing." With a picture of her face sagging in an odd way. I was poking fun at the alien conspiracy theorists that claim she's not human. (Yes, this is a thing, YouTube it.) That comment was enough for a member of my family to not speak to me for over what? Two years now? Ha. This is so stupid. Internet isn't real, people. It's not.fucking.reality. Which brings me to my next point- the term "In real life" or IRL. There seems to be some confusion about what "going in real life" is. Messaging a person kindly to explain yourself isn't IRL. It's a chain of code sent to a program to transcribe a message meant to clarify a misunderstanding. An effort to quash an issue. This is not IRL. It's not stalking, it's not 'creepy', it's someone who wants to clear the air because they care. If you ask them to stop messaging you, THEN it's inappropriate if they continue. But it's still not IRL. Calling someone's work, showing up at their home, sending them physical packages, notes, letters- that is IRL, and that happens to me more than I could have ever anticipated. Through all of this internet nonsense, people seem to forget that I'm a person here behind this screen too. I have children and a family, and a personal life. Calling and emailing companies I work with to try and get me fired is not ok. That IS IRL, and it is actionable legally. But this is the world on the internet now. It's really, really gross and scary. People hide behind their computers and threaten each other, but they would shit a decorated Christmas tree and cry stalker if you stood in front of them and said- "What were you saying about how you'd beat me to death if you saw me in person? Here I am. Take your best shot." But internet warriors abound, don't they? Another example: I'm a huge football fan. During one season, the Bears were playing the Colts, and I was on a Bears fan page. I posted a meme that said- "In nature, a Bear would eat a Colt" or something like that... it was nothing more than me supporting my favorite team. A woman commented below about how she wished she could see me face to face and she'd show me how a Colt could kill a Bear. I responded like- "When did football turn into the Sharks vs. the Jets? Are we in a gang war?" She private messaged me MY ADDRESS and told me she was coming for me. Because of an internet meme about a football game. She was going to KILL me over an internet blip. What the fuck? And here's me, writing to you all from the afterlife because clearly hoochie mama came for me with her online arsenal. We don't live in The Matrix, you can't download machine guns and upload yourself into someone's house yet. People threaten each other all the time online and I say to myself- one day, one of the crazies will be met by someone crazier, and they'll figure out that they probably should have been more considerate to other people. This world, the real world, is loaded with people that have a false sense of entitlement. They believe they deserve all things, all information, and if they don't get their way, they will bully and harass others into submission. If you don't submit, they will set out to ruin you in any way possible. You could get upset about it, or you could just keep moving forward. I'm not someone who ever stopped to look at what someone else was doing. I just do me. That action alone causes people with lesser confidence to go crazy. "She's a narcissist, an egomaniac. She only writes so people can kiss her ass. She wants the attention they give her." First of all, you're green and that shade doesn't look good on anyone. When I started writing, I wasn't doing it for attention. I was writing what I thought was the truth. I was sharing people's stories and expressing my opinion. I write in a way that garners attention, for sure- but nothing about that is egocentric. It's confidence based, and many people don't know HOW to speak up about anything, let alone are confident enough to put it out there for the trolls of the world to pick apart and shit on. So tear me down because I had the guts to speak up? Criticism is tough to deal with if you stop to read it. I stopped reading it a while ago. As for "fame" and attention, really... it's nice that people read my work. I'm grateful because in the beginning, it sure felt like I was talking to myself. But I don't brag about readership or who I am, or am not- or who I think I am. I KNOW who I am. I'm a mom who has a blog that many people read. I'm sometimes funny, sometimes snarky, sometimes a little crazy, and sometimes I step away to live my own life quietly. I don't blog from exotic locations, I don't brag about what I have. No one really knows much about me other than what I share- and I like it that way. Funny how quickly the stories that fill the holes in the enquiring minds' drama dispensers are created. You all are making me WAY more interesting than I actually am. My opinion of myself is solid. I know who I am and no one is going to change that. The comments about how I've changed since I "got famous" are humorous. Am I famous? Meh. I say no. But maybe perspective dictates something more to people with lesser vision. I am just me, and creating versions of me that aren't really who I am only drives people here to figure it out for themselves. You think I'm a racist? Ok. You think I am a narcissist? Ok. You think I'm an attention mongering maniac? Ok. But here's the thing: I don't care what you think. This blog is about what *I* think, and I sure as fuck don't make anyone read it. So if you don't like it, why do you spend so much time being a cunt about it? Get a fucking hobby or start your own blog with your own voice, your own opinion, and your own giant-sized balls swaying in the wind. No one's stopping you. But it's hard to be here, and super easy to be the prickly little turd that comments about how much I suck. Great. You're still the one spending all this time being a terrible and negative person, driving readers to my "horribly written, talentless blog". Thank you for that. The internet, folks. It's a nasty place, rife with people that were bullied in school that grew up and decided they wanted to exact revenge on the world because their mommies told them they were their special little angels.

I quoted Chris Rock in a Facebook post last night, and I'm going to quote him again here. He said he raises his kids and says this to them before they walk out the door everyday- "No one out there thinks you're special. No one outside this house gives a fuck about you. You're no one. And even some of the people in this house are on the fence about you." The point was- don't act so damn entitled when you interact in the real world. And just because your opinion doesn't make a dent in what I think of myself, that doesn't make me a narcissist- it just means you aren't as special as you thought you are. That's real life. Internet famous isn't as interesting to me as it is to some of you- because it's not real. While the haters throw shade, I'll be grateful because too much spotlight is bad for my skin anyway. "Mark Zuckerburg created Facebook after getting hit in the FACE.by.a.BOOK. The kids in school were like- Zuckerturd, Zuckerfuck. People picked on Bill Gates in school too. Bill Gates, you four-eyed fuck!"- Chris Rock (again) I'll bet no one's picking on them now, eh? So when the trolls get you or your babies down, tell your kids to let the internet roll off their backs like water on a duck. (And you do it too) This shit is virtual- let the virtual trolls rule their world, and you continue to slay in the real everyday. Rock in real life and let them talk about you all they want online.

Just make sure you monetize first. ;) (PS.- Kim Kardashian- I'm sorry I was a cunt.)