Teen Dating Violence and Prevention
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness & Prevention Month. Yes, unfortunately this is a thing-
A thing that happens much more often than you would imagine.
What do you do when your sweet, intelligent and beautiful child unknowingly turns your life into the 90's movie, Fear? (Okay, minus that extreme level of violence, hopefully. And Marky Mark's sexiness, sadly.). What you should probably do first is brush up on your domestic violence education. Google "power and control wheel" (Or click HERE) That's a good starting point to share your newfound knowledge with your son or daughter. Talk. Then talk some more. No one ever plans to become a victim nor is it something they're going to be proud of once they realize that they are. Victims are not only girls, though it is more common. Another very important factor to consider is how incredibly hard this situation is not just for your child and family as a whole, but for YOU as well. After all, this is your child. Your baby! You remember holding them and swearing that you will never let anything hurt them. You want to protect them every second from as much pain as you possibly can. But this one, momma bear- you can't fight for him or her, only with her. It's a slippery slope and I don't envy the predicament you are in. Call a domestic violence hotline yourself and speak with an advocate. They can give you advice for your child, how to carefully be as supportive as possible, and point you in the right direction of the next steps to take. The saddest thing besides the fact that dating violence happens at all, is not knowing that there is help out there. In one of my former lives, I worked as a domestic violence shelter advocate and the one day that stands out in my mind more than any other was the day I answered the hotline and a father who had just lost a daughter to domestic violence called. He absolutely broke my heart. He told me he was so happy that such a hotline existed but was just as sad that his daughter did not know the help was there for her. In situations such as these, knowledge is your greatest ally. Know what signs to look for in your kids and talk about them. Find resources. Ask questions. Show you care. Don't scold or downplay their feelings because remember how it felt when WE were their age- when we were young and thought we were in love too, it felt very real to us, just as it does them. If you come at them like they did something wrong, you are not only doing them a disservice, you may also push them back toward the person abusing them in the first place. Your goal should be turning your child from victim to survivor. Be patient. In this scenario you may need the patience of a saint, dig deep and find it. Your child's life and well being may depend on it. Not just their physical well-being but their emotional well-being. These types of scenarios imprint and mold kids. They may struggle with self-esteem or social issues as they isolate themselves from peers due to pressure from their abuser or from shame, or self-blame. Right now, they may feel like they have no one who understands. They need love and support, not just one more person bringing them down. Let them lean on you, mom or dad. They need you right now. Talk to their school administrators. See if there is anything that can be done to minimize or eliminate the likelihood that your child will run into their abuser. Alternate passing times? Schedule change? Permission for a friend to leave class a few minutes early with your child? If all else fails, maybe considering the legal route of keeping your child safe? No contact order, harassment charges, to name a few. Does your child's school have an officer available to escort them out? Finally, take time for you. This experience will likely wear you down quickly. It's exhausting enough as a parent worrying about the what if's, but now you find yourself terrified by the what is. Know that you're not alone in this and make sure your child knows that they aren't either. Hugs, momma (or papa) bear. You've got this. ♡ To get you started, HERE is a link to the CDC article on Teen Dating Violence.
