The Transformed Wife- Mind Your Own Business!
We all have our opinions, don't we? If you've been here with me for any length of time, you know I'm not shy about sharing mine. Generally speaking, most of my readers will agree- there needs to be more real parenting going on in this world. How you accomplish that is really up to the parent. We draw the line here on telling any mom HOW to be a mom. Every situation is unique. Some moms want to be at home all day snuggling babies, kissing boo boos, and wiping snot. Others crave a fast paced career- moving up the corporate ladder, boardrooms, deadlines during the day, and momming after 5 p.m. Others fall between there somewhere. And still- there are more situations that aren't covered by the basic spectrum I've presented as an example for you here. Some moms are really hands on. Some moms need their own time and space to feel like more than a mom. But one thing is for sure- we moms find a way to make our situations work best for our families. And if it's not broken, why fix it? The illusion that a stay at home mom is any less stressed or exhausted at the end of the day needs to stop. One set of responsibilities is traded for another. Instead of cleaning up a customer's mess, the SAHM is cleaning up little kid messes. Instead of balancing the books, she's balancing her own checkbook. OR maybe she does both. Maybe she busts her butt at work and comes home and does it all there too. Maybe she's a single mom. The point is- either way, her day is full. And it's the day that she's elected to have based on her own unique circumstances. I ran across a blog today that immediately flashed me back to 1880 and how women were treated and expected to behave back then. To be honest, I initially thought I was reading a piece of satire. If you stay at home, you "have all day to teach Jesus to your kids". OH, but CAN I PLEASE? This particular blogger, The Transformed Wife, is not only circa 1880 Little House on the Prairie, but she's got a certain religious je ne sais quois that makes you feel... well kinda icky about religion altogether. I find it ironic that the "judge not, lest ye be judged" type is, well... so judgemental. In a time where women are fighting even harder to become the breadwinners, to become equal to men, and to be more than a baby making, house cleaning, semen receptacle on demand for our strong and hardworking men- here's Homely Harriet trying to tell us all just how much we have failed. And she knows so- because the Bible told her. Her recently published hand-drawn flow chart of failure damns the career-minded mother straight to a life of unfulfillment and misery. (Original post can be found HERE), and in it, she makes a boatload of really broad assumptions about how working women get their stuff done. For example- if you have a career, you're mostly feeding your kids fast food garbage. But if you're at home, by default- your meals are always nutritious. Have a job? Well, you aren't having sex! (According to this Bible-banging bimbo, anyway.)
Aside from all the ridiculousness that clearly stems from a lack of understanding of the other side- let alone any side that isn't hers, my personal favorite was the comment on the pro-stay at home side that indicates a SAHM rests when her children are napping. Let's just be direct here: NO ONE RESTS WHEN THE KIDS ARE SLEEPING. One of two things happens then. Either A: Mom cleans up the stuff that the kids were destroying WHILE AWAKE or B: Mom is taking the much needed peaceful poop she's been prairie-dogging all day. Moms have no privacy unless the kids are asleep. So the implication that she's having more sex if she stays at home is also absurd. Unless she's getting jiggy with the pool guy while her dear husband is away, she's just as tired when HE comes home as she would be if SHE had gone to work that day. I really think this woman lives in la-la land where the mice help sweep and the sparrows fly in your window to help you bathe in the morning. When in reality, a SAHM is LUCKY if she gets to take a bath...ever... let alone a quick shower before the baby bombs start going off for the day. But the madness doesn't stop with this ridiculous image. Other entries that are just as prehistoric as this spreadsheet are: College didn't teach me life skills- HERE (It sure as hell didn't teach her how to write a proper sentence) Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos- HERE and of course Why Are Women So Offended When Told Leggings Are Immodest?- HERE among many, many other ridiculous gems of female repression and subservency. Now before anyone gets really, REALLY mad at me for knocking a biblical lifestyle- I don't have any personal issue with it. But I do take issue with telling me or any other woman that her lifestyle is "less than" yours in some capacity because she isn't at home thumping laundry in a creek and singing hymns praising His name. In one of her posts talking about how a woman shouldn't pursue a career, but a husband instead, she says: "I’m not sure why in this particular Christian culture in which we live that we are prone to follow the habits of the world and remain single for long periods of time, but that is a worldly kind of life, taking people who should be married and having them try to survive as single people when they are wired, hard wired and even given the opportunity by God to be married. Stop waiting for the Messiah, ladies. He came and went. Settle for somebody less. And, men, stop looking for the Proverbs 31 woman. That is an ideal to which women aspire. And the truth of the matter is, find another Holy Spirit-led, loving Christian, and get married." So let me get this straight. You want women to not hold off until they're ready emotionally and financially to find a mate because the Messiah has already "came and went" and women should settle for less than what she's hoping to find? All of this of course- while being sexually intimate on demand and subservient to a man that a woman deems less than perfect- will somehow make her happy- as per the flow chart above. It's all very contradictory, but I'm sure if asked about the holes, she'd say something like "Love of Jesus will fill all those holes". Or something my evil mind can find a way to make a dirty double entendre out of. I think that what's important to learn here is that these types of women still exist. They aren't simply teaching modesty in the face of current social climate. They are advocating and preaching FOR the continual treatment of women like a man's property, a servant to the household, and in a lot of ways are telling women that they should be ashamed that they want more in life. You should feel complete because you have a man, bore him a child, and you all love Jesus. And then remember modesty too, of course.
It's disgusting to say the very least. I won't go so far as to say I'm outraged- because I don't think this lady's opinion would change the behaviors of anyone that was truly happy in the situation they are in because it's working for them. But I do feel that in some ways there's a traitor amongst us using a book as fodder to make a woman (who might already be stressed over her situation, already wondering if she's doing enough for her family, already dealing with financial pressure) feel like she's failed everyone. Let me help you here. Your job as a mother is to care for your family- HOWEVER you need to get that done- do it. If you believe in God, I really feel that he/she/it/spaghetti monster will smile with delight over a mother that stood at nothing to ensure her family was provided for. Keep those babies warm, fed, and loved. That's your job. That is ALSO your partner's job. (I really don't want to think of what this woman's opinion of LGBTQ partnerships and marriage is) Share in the day and its' duties however it suits your family best and don't let some self-righteous internet biddy tell you otherwise because... Jesus. If it's getting done, you're doing it right. <3 Here's our improved version of her flow chart.
